Perspective taking, also known as cognitive empathy, occurs when a person is able to imagine herself in the situation of another. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.
Here are some strategies our graduates around the world use with their students to help develop both affective and cognitive empathy. Teachers can be role models who, by example, show students the power of empathy in relationships.
It is the teacher who leads individuals to care for the feelings of the others in class. As teachers model how to be positive when learning, students mirror optimistic and confident learning behaviors. We use the numbers 6 and 9 to teach students about different points of view. First, have students look at the number 6 and then the number 9. Explain to students that the idea for this exercise came from an old Middle Eastern legend in which two princes were at war for many years.
One prince looked at the image on the table and said it was a 6, while the other prince said it was a 9. The war came to an end, and the princes became firm friends. People have described it as the most civilized place on the internet, where people respectfully discuss controversial topics and are open to changing their minds.
Both examples show the power of having conversations about topics that might seem hard or uncomfortable.
I compare it to yoga — getting comfortable by being uncomfortable. Some common errors , experts say, are:. Truly listening to someone requires active engagement. Here are some tips from Dr. Riess, the Harvard psychiatrist:. Building our empathy, considering the perspectives of others and opening ourselves to uncomfortable conversations can make that happen. Godsil, the Rutgers law professor. Claire Cain Miller, a correspondent for The New York Times, writes about gender, families and the future of work for the Upshot, the New York Times section for analytical journalism in words and graphics.
The beat has included writing about robots , raising feminist boys and real ways to make work more equal. She has been at the Times for a decade, and previously covered the tech industry for Business Day. She lives on the West Coast with her family. Twitter: clairecm. Practice Empathy While some people are naturally more empathetic, there are exercises that anyone can do to improve. Talk to New People Trying to imagine how someone else feels is often not enough, researchers have found.
Follow people on social media with different backgrounds than you have different race, religion or political persuasion. Spend time in a new neighborhood, or strike up a conversation with a homeless person in your community. Work on a community garden. Do political organizing. Join a church committee. If you have experienced grief or loss, join with others who have experienced something similar. Check Your Privilege The flip side of bias is privilege. To start, ask yourself a few questions: When was the last time you had to think about your race, ethnicity, gender, religion, ability level or sexual orientation?
When watching movies or TV, how often do you see characters who reflect who you are? How often are you in social settings where most people are of a different identity than you are? Stand Up for Others Empathy should drive us to act compassionately toward others.
Some ways to do this: Donate money to causes that help people in need or attend a rally in support of them. Speak up when someone makes a discriminatory comment or interrupts. Amplify Other Voices Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is step aside and create a space for those outside your group to speak. Some ways to do this: If you want to share an article online, find one written by a member of an underrepresented group or a member of the community that the article is about.
Read Books Reading is one of the best ways to open your mind to the experiences of others. Learn From Nonfiction Read about the lives, struggles and fights against oppression of different groups of people — in history books and essay collections and newspapers.
A few places to start: Book Riot has a list of books about racial issues. Expand Your Research Read and watch first-person accounts of the experiences of others in magazines and newspapers, on social media and in podcasts and documentaries.
Raise Empathetic Kids Children can learn empathy. Differences separate, while similarities bring people together. Make a list of the things they might have in common with these people.
For example, a mom may like the same color as her child's teacher. A neighbor may root for the same sports team as the mailman. As you practice connecting more through bigger items, you can eventually move toward smaller, more personal things.
Use mindfulness during daily activities. Encourage those you are teaching to be mindful about everything they do for a day, particularly how others may play into their daily activities. Getting in touch with the human side of basic activities can help them build stronger connections with others.
While driving, they may consider the mechanic who gave their car a tune-up or the person who washed it. Read fiction to connect with others' experiences. Challenge everyone to get lost in a fictional story and really connect with the lives of the characters. Volunteer more often. Inspire those you are teaching to take positive action in their local communities.
Suggest some of the following volunteer opportunities to the adults you work with: serve in a soup kitchen, dedicate time to an important charity, or read to at-risk children at the library.
As a result, this cultivates stronger empathy for people in general. Method 3. Give people your full attention. Distractions are one of the most common obstacles to effective empathy, so remove them whenever possible.
Silence your phone, turn off the TV, put down the magazine, and truly engage with the person you are talking to. You can also become distracted mentally or physically, such as when you are worried or hungry. Attend to your needs before starting a conversation, so you can be fully present with others. Share your emotions when you connect with others.
Being vulnerable with your own thoughts and feelings is a call that allows others to exercise empathy. When you are talking to others, make an effort to use feeling words.
This helps clue them into your emotional state. Respond appropriately to the concerns of others. Is someone around you in need of empathy? If so, use open body language that fosters a connection, make occasional eye contact, and soften your voice.
Just make sure you are aware of the other person's personal boundary needs before you try to make physical contact with them. Sometimes, you may get the call to express empathy towards others, but not know how to do it correctly. If this happens, simply be present with the person—just be there. Find specific ways to lend a helping hand. You can inspire others to be empathetic by taking action when others are in need. Rather than just standing on the sidelines or expecting the person to request help , think of actionable ways you can offer assistance.
If a family member is struggling with mental illness, offer to accompany them to therapy sessions or support group meetings. Empathy is a trait that is part inborn but can also be learned if motivated. Things that can facilitate this are role-playing, paraphrasing, practicing to read non-verbal cues, and keeping a journal.
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