Codependent relationships focus on maintaining the status quo so the giver can continue to derive self-esteem from helping and the taker can get his physical, emotional, financial or other needs met.
Codependent individuals have a hard time functioning independently because theyve consistently relied on someone else to compensate for a core lack of self-worth. Relationships are important. They add an extra layer of joy and fulfillment to our lives; they bring opportunities for growth and they build us up. They cant, however, fix whatever core wounds we bring with us to the relationship.
Instead, we tend to replay these dysfunctional relationship dynamics until we heal the root of the problem ourselves. Understanding the difference between interdependency and codependency can be difficult, especially if youve never experienced a healthy interdependent relationship. The table below summarizes the primary differences between interdependency and codependency and I hope you will refer back to it when you need help distinguishing healthy dependency from codependency.
Healthy Dependence. Mutual reliance on each other; a balanced give and take. One person does most of the giving and receives little support or help in return.
Help promotes growth, learning, and self-sufficiency. Enabling is disguised as help and it creates dependency and stunts personal growth. A sense of being your own separate, independent person. Enmeshment or merging of identity and feelings so that neither person functions like a whole, independent person. Feel free to be your authentic self. Lose sight of your own interests, goals, values and instead do and say what your partner wants.
Fully experience your own feelings. Tend to absorb other peoples feelings and suppress your own. You know you have value even when others are upset with you. Rely on your partner to make you feel worthy. Feel safe and secure in your relationship. You fear rejection, criticism, and abandonment.
Ability to disagree or say no without guilt. Fear of conflict, poor boundaries, and expectation of perfection. Honesty and the ability to admit mistakes help promote growth. Denial and defensiveness keep things stagnant. Operant condition can be used at work, home, and at school to shape and change the way you behave and react. Do narcissistic traits originate from the same childhood place that codependent traits do?
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What is interdependency? What is codependency and what makes it unhealthy? A need to be needed. Helping vs. Mutual dependence denotes that reliance is not a one-way street. It is an avenue that benefits both parties.
A simple example of this is the foreign trade between two nations. Imagine nation A buys oil from nation B. Nation A is dependent on that import of oil while nation B is dependent on the export earnings it receives as a result of the import. Similarly, nation B might in turn buy a particular good from nation A such as rice because it substantially depends on it.
Therefore, there is a state of Interdependence between nation A and B. Interdependence has also been defined to mean mutual responsibility , which essentially conveys that the people, group, or entities dependent on each other are also responsible to each other. In nature, food web is a good example for interdependence, where plants and animals are mutually dependent on each other for their growth and survival.
Understanding the concept of Interdependence affords a clarity to the meaning of Dependence. There is no mutuality involved in Dependence.
In fact, it involves one group, person or entity relying heavily on another. This reliance is often in the form of needing support, help or assistance with something. On the other hand, Dependence can also mean being controlled by another person or thing, or the state of being influenced by someone or something. On an international level, think of a country, a developing one, heavily reliant or dependent on the aid or grants provided by the IMF or World Bank.
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